The Truth About Playing Hard To Get, According To A Dating Expert

You think you know all the rules since childhood when you had your first crush on someone in your class — never let them know you're interested and always play hard to get. After all, playing hard to get can emotionally protect you if you don't go all in on a new or potential relationship. If someone doesn't know you want to get to know them better, there can be no rejection. It can also make you more appealing to a person, as humans often want what it seems they can't have.

Some methods of playing hard to get include acting confident while not displaying any emotions, acting like you're busy, taking your time to call the person back or reply to their text, and using friendly sarcasm, according to Psychology Today. The outlet also pointed out that people do this to test the waters and make a person desire them even more than if they had been more open. However, British life coach and dating expert Matthew Hussey does not recommend it.

Matthew Hussey, who runs a website called "How to Get the Guy" and hosts the "Love Life" podcast, said he doesn't like the hard-to-get practices he sees in modern dating life.

"I see people dating these days and the game is who can try less," he said on TikTok. "Who can be cooler? Who can be more indifferent? And that's honestly not the way to do it?"

Hussey explained that if you are after someone who likes the chase at the beginning of a relationship, then that relationship is unlikely to turn into something deeper and healthy. In fact, you may lose that someone as soon as you show any interest at all.

"You can certainly attract someone who wants the game, who's got the demons that make them chase someone who's not into them," he said. "And there are plenty of people with those demons, but you don't want a relationship with a person like that."

In fact, as soon as you show any interest at all, it's likely to push that person away. "The moment you stop playing hard to get and you try to meet them, they're not going to be interested anymore," Hussey said. "Cause their demons will tell them — this person likes us now? This person's no longer cool to us. They were only cool to us because they didn't like us."