Chrissy Teigen Opens Up About Her Heartbreaking Pregnancy Loss

Chrissy Teigen, model, author, TV star, is open and honest about her life with her fans, particularly on Instagram, through the good times and the bad. Recently there was a pretty major bad time; in September, Teigen posted on Instagram the heartbreaking news that she lost her third child with John Legend. And now, she's opened up even more with an essay on Medium where she goes into her life in the weeks after the tragic loss.

It's a touching and transparent tale of the ups and downs of grief, and a thank you letter in a way to the world.

Teigen had been on bedrest for over a month before being admitted to the hospital because of ongoing bleeding due to a partial placenta abruption, and in the process, she discovered something unexpected. "I actually became an adult diaper expert for my own personal entertainment, truly appreciating the brands that went out of their way to not make me feel like an actual s***ting baby."

She and the doctors did all that they could to keep the baby healthy and growing, but it just wasn't enough. "After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming — it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn't survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either."

After Teigen's child was delivered, "My mom, John and I each held him and said our own private goodbyes, mom sobbing through Thai prayer. I asked the nurses to show me his hands and feet and I kissed them over and over and over again."

She had her mom and John take photos during the delivery and after. Apparently, there are those out there who didn't appreciate the photos that Teigen included on Instagram of her holding her baby, which seems to show that some people have too much time on their hands. She wrote "I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it's something you wouldn't have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren't for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me."

Teigen writes about how much the positive support from friends and messages from the well-wishers and fans who flooded social media with condolences have helped buoy her days. "For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, 'you probably won't read this, but...'. I can assure you, I did."

She also pointed out how much she appreciated the part of sharing the grief process where people started messages with "You don't need to respond to this, but..." "For me, the 'no need to respond' note was such a true relief," she wrote. "I thank you for each and every one of those." In a way, this essay is her response.

The poignant piece comes back to Teigen again thanking those who have reached out with support. "[...]The moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful. I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won't get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won't pour them out at all."