Everything You Need To Know About Cap'n Crunch

The sound of milk slurping, crunching on Cap'n, and cartoons could be the soundtrack of many of our childhoods. We've all had our palates sting from excessive amounts of the roughly-edged Cap'n Crunch pieces scraping us. Some may even have battle scars from a lifetime a riding the open seas (or in our case cereal bowls) with Mr. Crunch. But chances are despite hands-on experience, you still have a lot to learn about the delicious breakfast cereal.

First off, if you think Cap'n Crunch is the mascot's full name, you are sort of silly — whose name is Cap'n?— and incorrect. His name is Horatio Magellan Crunch. Horatio seems to be a random sailor-esque choice but Magellan is a fitting name. If you didn't know, Magellan was a Portugese explorer from the 1500s who set out to circumnavigate the planet. Horatio would clearly be a part of a sailing family like Magellan's because his goal is to spread the joys of a never soggy breakfast cereal across the globe (via Delish).

So, we all thought Horatio's name was Cap'n and we were wrong, but he's gotta be a real captain at least right? Actually, it seems like the icon might have been a little dishonest with us.

A while back, a cereal muncher who was presumably staring a little too long at a box of Cap'n, and likely had knowledge about naval ranking, caught him red-handed. The cereal idol has three gold stripes on his coat which would make him a commodore. In order to be a captain you need four bands on your sleeve (via Today). 

But that's okay. At least the cereal of our childhoods was purchased based on a true love for the taste? Um, sorry to report this may not be true either.

Alright, so the Cap'n lied about his rank, and none of us knew his real name, and that is fine, but it gets worse — he's manipulative. Not only was he desperate to keep the secret of how Cap'n Crunch stayed so crunchy in milk away from his sworn enemy, Jean Lafoote (via Advertising Weekly 360), but according to a study done by Cornell University, we may have been tricked into buying his cereal. 

The study found cereal boxes that depicted characters who made eye contact were favorited by consumers. People felt like they believed in the product over others. According to reseachers, "Eye contact with cereal spokes-characters increased feelings of trust and connection to the brand, as well as ultimate choice of the brand over competitors." So, were we buying the cereal for its healthy ingredients? Oh dear...

All would be forgiven if Cap'n Crunch was healthy for the kids who begged their parents to buy it in the grocery store, right? Unfortunately, this popular breakfast cereal really isn't very good for you. Consider that a Krispy Kreme Doughnut has 10 grams of sugar (via AJC). Meanwhile, 1 cup of Cap'n Crunch has 17 grams of sugar (via Cap'n Crunch). The commercials in the '60s acknowledged the cereal was "sugary-sweet," but of course, that was before the global obesity epidemic. Unfortunately, even with the modern focus on health, Cap'n Crunch remains loaded with sugar.

So if healthy is what you're going for, a doughnut might be a better option for breakfast. 

The Cap'n now offers kiddos more than just the original cereal for their breakfast delight. Today, children can beg their mom and dad for Cotton Candy Crunch, Crunch Berries, Peanut Butter Crunch, All The Berries (for true Crunch Berries die-hards), and for a limited time, Red, White & Blue Crunch. None of these varieties are healthier than the original, incidentally. But hey, as long as consumers are okay with buying cereal that isn't any more nutritious than a Krispy Kreme, there is nothing wrong with indulging in this nostalgic treat. 

Even if it should be called Commodore Crunch.