Tragic Details About Chappell Roan

Just a year ago, many people hadn't heard of Chappell Roan. Now, the star's campy music hits like "Good Luck, Babe!," "Hot To Go!," and "Pink Pony Club" are as prevalent in the pop world as the redheaded Midwest princess herself. Chappell Roan has gone through quite the transformation from a small-town girl to a pop star who can fill arenas in what feels like the blink of an eye. But her success wasn't as overnight as it might seem from the outside. Roan had been writing music and working on her craft for years before getting recognized in the major way she is today.

It's safe to say that the singer is on the rise and seems to have the world at her fingertips. But even though her life seems like a dream come true, Roan has had her fair share of setbacks and heartache. From her difficulty accepting her sexuality to her career disappointments to her mental health struggles, there's a lot more to this pop megastar than meets the eye.

Chappell Roan's chart-topping music encourages listeners to live authentically and explore themes of queer love and acceptance. But the singer herself didn't come from an accepting environment. While she's become an LGBTQ+ icon, growing up, she was taught that being gay was wrong. Roan, born Kayleigh Rose Amstutz, was raised in a trailer park in Willard, Missouri. She comes from a conservative Christian family, where she went to church three times a week. "I grew up thinking being gay was bad and a sin," she told The Guardian.

That belief forced Roan to push down parts of herself throughout her early years. According to the singer, visiting her first gay bar in Los Angeles was a transformative experience that helped her fully break out of that way of thinking. "I went to the gay club once and it was so impactful, like magic. It was the opposite of everything I was taught," she said. That night inspired one of her first big hits, "Pink Pony Club," which describes finding a sense of belonging by dancing in a safe and accepting place. Roan needed to feel that acceptance to start making the art she does today. She told Headliner, "It was so different from home where I always had such a hard time being myself and felt like I'd be judged for being different or being creative. I just felt overwhelmed with complete love and acceptance, and from then on I started writing songs as the real me."

Coming from a conservative, small town, Chappell Roan found it difficult to fit in. She was very creative and always felt different from her family and classmates. "I was very, very lonely. When I was growing up," Roan told The Guardian. Without a lot of representation, she never saw herself as part of the queer community. "[I thought] 'Gay means flamboyant, gay man' and lesbian means, 'Butch girl who looks masculine.' There was not an array of queerness," she said. Roan didn't see herself fitting into that narrow view of queerness, but she also didn't feel like she belonged in the conservative culture she was raised in. This left her feeling very isolated. 

Along with feeling out of place, Roan was also struggling with mental illness, which she was not being treated for. "I was very mentally ill — suicidal for years — and not medicated, because that's just not a part of Midwest culture. It's not: 'Maybe we should get you a psychiatrist.' It's: 'You need God. You need to pray about that.'" That attitude only made her feel more alone and out of place in her hometown. 

Chappell Roan has been writing music since she was just a child. Growing up, songwriting was an important creative outlet to help her cope with her loneliness and other issues. Her desperation to break out of her small town pushed her to work harder at her craft. She started posting YouTube videos of herself singing and shared her first original song, "Die Young," in 2014. The video got her noticed by Atlantic Records, and the studio signed her just a few months later. 

Being signed to a major record deal at just 17 years old was a dream come true, but it was also overwhelming. "I just didn't know how to process it, and sometimes I still don't know how to process it! I was 17 when I got signed, and it just felt like a whirlwind. I felt kind of lost and like I was roaming around," she told Headliner. She went from being a small-town kid in high school to all of a sudden flying back and forth between Missouri, LA, and New York to pursue her music career. "I felt very unprepared," Roan told Rolling Stone. "I didn't know the consequences of how much I had to sacrifice. I didn't do my senior year. I didn't go to prom. I didn't go to graduation. I missed a lot of what would have been the end of my childhood to do this job."

Chappell Roan found it difficult to gain her footing after moving away from her hometown to pursue her dreams as a recording artist full-time. When a major record label signed her, it seemed like a dream come true, but the road to fame wasn't as smooth as she had expected. Roan continued writing music, releasing her first EP in 2017, and in 2020, released "Pink Pony Club." The glitzy song would eventually make the Billboard Hot 100 in 2024, but four years earlier, it didn't receive the same widespread success. 

Although "Pink Pony Club" was a great example of the fun and campy pop music that would eventually catapult Roan to stardom, it didn't get the numbers her label hoped for. Due to this, Atlantic Records terminated their contract with the singer. "I burst into tears," Roan told Rolling Stone about how heartbroken she felt when her label dropped her for not being profitable. Despite the setback, Roan continued to pursue her dreams on her own. "As time has gone on, I realized that no matter how hard that label experience was for five years, it was the biggest blessing ever," she said. "And being independent has taught me I can do it by myself."

After being dropped by her label, Chappell Roan went through a difficult period. She'd reached a low point in her career, and at the same time, her romantic relationship of over four years had ended. Roan was forced to leave LA, the magical place she'd written "Pink Pony Club" about, and moved back to her hometown. For the next few years, she worked several jobs while trying to pick up the pieces and keep her music career going on her own. 

Prior to getting dropped, she'd been co-writing with Dan Nigro, the same writer who works with Olivia Rodrigo. But Nigro had to take time off from working with Roan as Rodrigo's career was blowing up with the release of the chart-topping song "Drivers License" in 2021. While Roan was excited to see her collaborator's success, it also meant that she was left entirely on her own. "I was upset about my project not moving. I felt stuck and like no one was paying attention to me," Roan told Rolling Stone. It was at that point when Nigro told her that she'd have to make her career happen herself. "[Dan] was just looking at me and goes 'You are going to run your career into the f***ing ground if you don't start doing s**t on your own.'"

Chappell Roan struggled with her mental health throughout her childhood, but she wasn't diagnosed and able to seek treatment until later. In 2022, she opened up to her fans on Instagram about having bipolar II disorder. "I'm diagnosed bipolar 2 and it's been pretty hard to keep it together and release these songs," the artist candidly wrote in the caption of her selfie. The post came a few months after she released singles "Naked In Manhattan" (which would later be featured on her debut album) and "My Kink Is Karma."

Though the pop star hadn't yet blown up to the mainstream level she has today, she was making a name for herself as an indie artist and finding it challenging to continue work with her mental illness. "I was in full swing hypomania when 'Naked in Manhattan' released," she wrote, adding that she'd been in intensive outpatient therapy when her other single debuted. "It's definitely been difficult to balance promoting and being consistently active on social media. I don't really talk about it much, but it affects me daily and is a pretty big part of my music. I'm in a healthy spot, just wanted to share and I think it's important to talk about mental health."

Roan isn't the only celebrity to open up about their bipolar diagnosis. "General Hospital" star Maurice Benard has also talked about his journey with bipolar disorder.

After working for years to get her music off the ground, Chappell Roan's career finally seemed to explode. She released her debut album, "The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess," in September 2023. Following its debut, she had several viral moments, including her NPR "Tiny Desk" performance and her iconic Coachella stage performance. Roan went from being an obscure indie artist with a small loyal following to being one of music's biggest rising stars.

Although it was what she'd worked for since she was a teen, Roan's sudden fame was a challenging adjustment. "I think it's because my whole life has changed," she told The Guardian in September 2024. "Everything that I really love to do now comes with baggage. If I want to go thrifting, I have to book security and prepare myself that this is not going to be normal. Going to the park, pilates, yoga — how do I do this in a safe way where I'm not going to be stalked or harassed?" Although becoming a successful pop star is something Roan has dreamed of, it has impacted her personal life in a way that she couldn't have to prepared for. 

All the complicated emotions surrounding her fame rose to the surface during one of her concerts when Chappell Roan started to cry on stage in the middle of the performance. She opened up about her feelings, saying into the microphone, "I just want to be honest with the crowd. I just feel a little off today because I think that my career is just kind of going really fast, and it's really hard to keep up. I'm just being honest that I'm just having a hard time today." A video of the raw moment was later shared on TikTok by her fans.

Roan has always been open about the impact the music industry has had on her wellbeing, posting on Instagram in 2023 to address some of the challenges she has faced in her career. "I am very fortunate and grateful to have my dream job," she said in the caption, but added, "This job is very difficult for me to process and maintain a healthy life and mindset. I already have difficulty regulating my emotions because I have bipolar 2 disorder. I am very hard on my body image and feel like no matter what weight or how 'toned' I am, it simply isn't enough. I'm working through it the best I can and I'm grateful I have the means to afford therapy and occasional time off."

Chappell Roan's sudden rise to fame has made her current celebrity status all the more jarring for her. "Every time I walk through my front door, it just comes out of me," she told The Guardian. "I can't even help it, I just start sobbing and either being so angry at myself for choosing this path, or grieving how the curiosity and pure wonder I had about the world is somewhat taken away from me."

Although she's happy to share music and perform, Chappell Roan's privacy and sense of normalcy in her day-to-day life are precious to her, and it's something she's had to fight for. Recently, she released a TikTok video warning people who see her in public not to cross her boundaries. "I don't care that abuse and harassment, stalking, whatever, is a normal thing to do to people who are famous or a little famous, whatever," she said in the video. "I don't care that it's normal. I don't care that this crazy type of behavior comes along with the job, the career field I've chosen. That does not make it okay."

Unfortunately, many other celebrities have their own terrifying stalker stories.

While her fame has come with many adoring fans, Chappell Roan has also dealt with a lot criticism. Speaking out about fans respecting her privacy made some people feel she was being rude and ungrateful. "They think I'm complaining about my success. I'm complaining about being abused," Roan defended herself to The Guardian.

In the same Guardian interview, Roan said she wasn't comfortable endorsing a presidential candidate because she had issues with both parties. This statement landed her in hot water with fans again. "You can't borrow from drag aesthetics and embrace your sexuality and then pretend the party that would criminalize our happiness is the same as the one who protects it," one user wrote on X regarding Roan's lack of political stance. Roan later clarified that she plans to vote for Kamala Harris but still doesn't feel comfortable endorsing one candidate.

Roan faced more fan backlash after canceling shows with short notice. "I just find it so cringe that you think you're just allowed to disrespect your fans who spent money on housing and transportation to go see your show just because little miss ma'am preferred to go sing at the VMAs? do better!" one fan wrote after Roan canceled European tour dates due to scheduling conflicts with her VMA rehearsals (via the Independent).

Lately, Chappell Roan has had a hard time staying optimistic about her newfound success. While she's said she's very grateful to be in her position, it's been a huge change that she wasn't ready for. The pressures of fame, coupled with her fears of being harassed in public and fan backlash, have created a lot of anxiety surrounding her pop princess status. Her mental state has gotten so bad that she sought out professional help.

"I went to a psychiatrist last week because I was like, 'I don't know what's going on,'" Roan told The Guardian. "She diagnosed me with severe depression — which I didn't think I had because I'm not actually sad. But I have every symptom of someone who's severely depressed."

The "Good Luck, Babe!" singer was slotted to perform at the All Things Go music festival along with other artists, including fellow LGBTQ+ icon Janelle Monae. But at the last minute, Roan pulled out due to her mental health struggles. She apologized in a social media post, writing, "Things have gotten overwhelming over the past few weeks and I am really feeling it. I feel pressures to prioritize a lot of things right now and I need a few days to prioritize my health. I want to be present when I perform and give the best shows possible" (via Variety).