Why 'Opposites Attract' Could Spell Trouble For Outdaughtered's Adam And Danielle Busby

Keeping a marriage healthy can be difficult at the best of times, but mixing in different outlooks on life and disparate parenting philosophies can lead couples to throw in the towel. For some couples, like Danielle and Adam Busby of "Outdaughtered," recognizing their differences and making an effort to be aware of the other's needs is one way they try to combat relationship fatigue.

The stars of the TLC reality show, who have six daughters — Blayke and quintuplets Ava, Hazel, Olivia, Parker, and Riley — carved out some restorative time for themselves at a couple's retreat, which was shown during a June 2024 episode. However, the couple also realized on that trip that they are opposites when it comes to their love languages. "They say opposites attract. So I mean, there's definitely some attraction there," Adam said on the show (via People). "But ... it makes things a lot difficult and you know, there's some flare-ups from time to time, but love, and marriage, takes work."

The reality star has a point, as behavior and relationship expert Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., says people who are extremely different have an uphill battle if they want to make it last. ‌"'Opposites attract': that's such a wonderful catchphrase, but it's completely false," said Wanis, the author of "Get Over Your Ex Now!" and creator of the "Are You Over Your Ex?" breakup test. "Opposite personalities and temperaments can indeed attract each other, and they often do. That doesn't, though, guarantee that the relationship will work."

In the June 11 episode of "Outdaughtered," Adam and Danielle Busby spoke about their polar opposite love languages. Danielle values acts of service — "For someone to take the load off of me is a huge weight of love," she said (via People) — while Adam prefers words of affirmation and physical touch. "Literally, his top two are my bottom two," Danielle said. Still, Danielle said communication is key when bridging the gap. "I love Adam and his family and they are more lovey-dovey, and that's strange to me, but you know, we can be aware of it and put the other before ourselves," she said, "and hopefully it'll make these acts of loving easier."

Finding a compromise is important for couples, but it doesn't always work. While introverts may find themselves dazzled by someone outrageous and always ready to party, and extroverts might enjoy the novelty of a partner who likes cozy evenings at home, disparate pairings usually don't last when it comes down to important matters, said behavior and relationship expert Patrick Wanis, Ph.D.

"A person can be intrigued by the differences in someone else, but if those differences are opposing core values, then the relationship is doomed," Wanis said. "The more opposite that the core values are, the less chance there is that two people will actually be attracted to each other." Wanis listed political beliefs, religious beliefs, and parenting styles as examples, saying people often emulate their parents' style or perhaps "fix" what they thought their parents did wrong. "Our parenting style is often determined by our upbringing," he said.

Still, couples like Adam and Danielle Busby of "Outdaughtered" can foster harmony in their family dynamics despite their differences — if their parenting styles are complementary, said Patrick Wanis, Ph.D., behavior and relationship expert. Flexibility is key when it comes to parenting styles, so compromise and working together is paramount, he said. "For example, one parent might be focused on accountability and responsibility," he said. "Therefore he/she wants the children to be raised with discipline, while the other parent might be focused more on empathy, patience, and compassion."

It seems that Adam and Danielle Busby of "Outdaughtered" have the right idea when it comes to discussing their differences openly. For example, a June 2024 episode preview shows Adam confessing he tends to go easier on their daughters. "It's just because I want that love and affection from the kids because I don't necessarily get it from you," he said (via Parade). "And so I'm the good cop with them because I want them to be drawn to me and love me." For her part, Danielle said the admission gutted her as it made her realize she could be more open about her affection. "It's a hard thing to hear as a wife," she said. "It makes me feel really sad because I don't want him to think that I don't love him."

When it comes to strengthening their relationship, the Busbys also make sure to schedule time for themselves. "Scheduling is key," Danielle told USA Today in 2018. "We enjoy each other and love each other and want to hang out together, it's just we have to plan it."