Tragic Details About HGTV Star Nate Berkus

Scrolling through Nate Berkus's carefully curated Instagram feed, it would be easy to assume the television star has had quite the perfect life. There are numerous pictures of the handsome TLC host with his handsome husband, Jeremiah Brent. There are photos of their happy children, many snapshots of beautifully designed interior spaces, including Berkus's stunning home, and, of course, birthday wishes for famous friends like Oprah Winfrey.

While Berkus may have an enviable life now, he's been through some pretty tragic things in the past. To hear him tell it, however, it's those tragic events that have made him into the person he is today. In an essay for Oprah.com, he reflected on the way he's been able to use his past trauma in order to gain some much-needed insight into his current life. "I've defined everything by my ability to survive," he wrote. "Because of that, I'm always asking myself the ultimate question: Can I survive or can't I? From business to breakups, it's helped me gain perspective."

It can be very difficult to go through something traumatic, and it can be even more difficult to go through it in the public eye. From national disasters to sad family losses and from isolating medical conditions to homophobic coworkers, these are some tragic details about HGTV star Nate Berkus.

On December 26, 2004, Nate Berkus and his partner Fernando Bengoechea were on holiday in Sri Lanka when water filled their hotel room. Unbeknownst to them, in the moment, they were experiencing a horrific tsunami, one that would ultimately take the lives of some 230,000 people. In the moment, though, all they knew was survival.

Speaking with "The Oprah Winfrey Show," Berkus described the unbelievably horrific ordeal in detail. After the room filled with water, the roof fell off and they were swept out into the rushing wave. "Both Fernando and I were taken out of the hut, and it just felt like we were drowning immediately," he recalled. "The force of the water was so great, and the debris in the water was so extreme because ... all the nails and the wood and the barbed wire." The two managed to stay together for a time, but the water kept rushing. "[Fernando] looked at me and said, 'It's not over,'" Berkus remembered. "And I felt his hand on the back of my shirt, and I felt his hand slip away ... And then I was drowning again."

Eventually, Berkus came up in a pool of water that wasn't moving, and he was able to climb a hill to safety. He borrowed a phone and called his mother, leaving a frightening voicemail. "Listen to me very carefully, okay? There's been a horrible natural disaster in Sri Lanka," he told her. "I am fine."

Even though Nate Berkus survived the 2004 tsunami, his ordeal was only just beginning. In his memoir "The Things That Matter," Berkus recalled his panic as he stood with other survivors and could not find Fernando Bengoechea, his partner. "I convinced myself he was going to be fine," he wrote. "He was a strong swimmer; he was a surfer. He'd grown up in the Brazilian jungle. If anybody could handle himself, it was Fernando."

Unfortunately, as the days stretched on and the magnitude of the tragedy revealed itself, Bengoechea never showed up. Berkus got in touch with "The Oprah Winfrey Show," and before long, he was back home, telling his tragic story on television. He explained that it took a lot to get on the helicopter with other survivors, leaving the possibility of finding Bengoechea behind. "I was hurt, we were running out of food, we were running out of water. Some of the water we were drinking we thought was contaminated," he said. Another survivor told him, "It's the right thing to do. Get on the helicopter because you can't do anything for him here."

Shortly after Berkus's appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show," Bengoechea's family put out a statement. "Based on all of the information we have gathered and the search team's extraordinary efforts, we still have not heard any word of Fernando," they wrote. "Therefore, it is with great sadness, we are forced to presume Fernando died in the tsunami."

After Nate Berkus made it home from Sri Lanka in the aftermath of the tsunami, he found himself deeply depressed and traumatized thanks to what he had survived ... and who hadn't survived it with him. "2005 began with me lying in bed, unable to eat, unable to string a sentence together. My house was filled with people I loved, whose expressions scared me more than I already was," he told CelebrityScribe.

In his memoir "The Things That Matter," Berkus described weeks of pain, trips to the doctor, medications, and more. "A psychotherapist showed up at the house every day," he recalled. "The doctors at the Sri Lankan hospital prescribed antibiotics but neglected to explain that they'd also given me Klonopin, a strong tranquilizer," Berkus wrote, rationalizing his depressive state. "It's no wonder I couldn't sustain much of a conversation with anybody." 

Ultimately, it was Oprah Winfrey, herself no stranger to tragedy, who told him what he needed to hear. "She crawled into bed beside me and listened while I cried," Berkus wrote. He asked, "Why?" and after some time, Winfrey gave him an answer. "I've always believed that when the soul gets what it came to get," she said, "it goes." Berkus decided that Fernando Bengoechea needed a sense of "home," and that's what they'd been able to build together. Berkus wrote, "Because of Fernando, I hold the people I love a little bit longer."

For a long time after the 2004 tsunami, Nate Berkus was afraid to go back in the water. In fact, he'd had a fear of water since he was young. He told CelebrityScribe, "I've always had a fear of nature, standing water, whether I would have the strength to survive a physical ordeal. I was never able to climb to the top of the rope in elementary school gym class," he said. That wasn't the only fear that followed Berkus after the tragedy. "I have always had a horror of having a reason to grieve, always avoided talking about death, and didn't make it to most funerals," he explained. "I was never good at being sad."

In 2021, his husband, Jeremiah Brent, shared that Berkus had finally overcome his fear. On Instagram, he shared a snapshot of Berkus playing in the ocean with their daughter, and in an emotional caption, he explained the significance of the photo. "I watched my husband, who survived such tragedy and such loss in 2004, walk our children into the ocean earlier this week," Brent wrote. "He has broken the chain of fear and wades in the water, full of laughter and full of joy. There is no one like him."

In 2015, Nate Berkus shared some tragic news on Instagram. He posted a photo from his wedding day, featuring himself and his father laughing in suits. "Last week my father, Michael Berkus, lost a short-lived battle with brain cancer," Berkus wrote. "He was the most generous and funny man and my stepmother and brothers are devastated."

Despite the sad occasion, the interior designer took the time to share a happy memory with his followers. He pointed out that the photo had been taken the year before, on the occasion of his marriage to Jeremiah Brent, and he said it represented a beloved moment. "He was the only one who could make me laugh when I was as nervous as I was on that special day," Berkus wrote.

In the years since his father's death, the "American Dream Builders" host has used his platform to raise awareness about the effort needed to end cancer. On Instagram in 2020, he shared a photo of himself in a white shirt. "Today I wear white in support of @cancerresearchinstitute in memory of my father, Michael Berkus," he wrote. "Support the advancement of cancer immunotherapy research."

In 2023, Nate Berkus opened up about a difficult skin condition that has led to feelings of isolation. He spoke with People about his experience with psoriasis, acknowledging that it was something he'd been dealing with for almost a decade. Berkus said that he woke up with red patches on his skin, and he decided to consult a dermatologist immediately. "I don't really believe in self-diagnosing. I have such a great relationship with my dermatologist — he's literally on speed dial," Berkus said. "I send them photographs of things that I see on myself. I'm like, 'Live or die? Weigh in.'" Soon enough, he'd been diagnosed with psoriasis.

While the condition itself can be painful, Berkus said that he mostly dealt with the psychological impact of being unable to control his skin. "The outbreaks come at the most inopportune times, almost always," he said, noting that no matter how much he dieted, exercised, etc., there was no way around this. "It's frustrating," he said. "It can be isolating. I was really surprised that some of my closest friends also have psoriasis or eczema and we had never discussed it."

To raise awareness of the condition, Berkus partnered with AbbVie, a pharmaceutical research company. "Psoriasis is something that I've been navigating largely on my own until now," he explained, "and this felt like a great opportunity to kind of be public about it."

Costume jewelry collector Barbara Berger was an icon of the social scene, with her massive collection even receiving attention from the art world. On the occasion of an exhibition at the Museum of Art and Design in New York, Berger told W Magazine, "It would take another 150 years to wear my whole collection. Everything I've bought I would love to wear, but it's more about passion and history for me."

Evidently, Berger got along very well with Nate Berkus. Back in 2010, he tweeted about just how much he loved hanging out with the collector and her husband. "Saying goodbye to barbara and maurizio berger is always hard for me," he wrote. "two of my favorite people in the world."

Unfortunately, Berger passed away in 2024, and Berkus had to say goodbye for good. He shared a tribute to his friend on Instagram, including a carousel of photos of them together. His caption wasn't particularly wordy, but fans could sense the emotion behind the sentiment when he wrote simply, "Will always be grateful for everything you did for me."

In 2017, TLC star Jill Duggar's husband, Derick Dillard, was fired by the network after he made a series of transphobic comments on social media about fellow TLC reality vet Jazz Jennings. "A 'reality' show which follows a non-reality,'" Dillard wrote in a since-deleted tweet (via The Washington Blade). "'Transgender' is a myth. Gender is not fluid; it's ordained by God." That tweet, and worse, got him axed from the show "Counting On." The network released a statement on X, formerly Twitter, reading, "Derick Dillard has not participated in Counting On for months and the network has no plans to feature him in the future."

The following year, Dillard turned his discriminatory attention to Nate Berkus and his family. In response to an ad for "Nate and Jeremiah By Design" that featured the happy couple and their kids, Dillard tweeted, "What a travesty of family ... It's sad how blatant the liberal agenda is, such that it both highlights and celebrates a lifestyle so degrading to children" (via The Washington Blade).

After the homophobic rant got attention online, Berkus took to his own Twitter to explain his reasoning behind the show. He wrote, "My hope with having a show like #NandJByDesign on @TLC, where we go into people's homes and welcome viewers into ours, is that we can start to break down barriers & normalize the way our family looks & the way our family loves."