Michelle Obama Doesn't Want People Idolizing Her Romance With Barack

To many Americans, Barack and Michelle Obama's stunning relationship has been the epitome of the perfect partnership. During and after their presidency, the couple didn't shy away from cute public displays of affection, heartwarming Instagram messages to each other, and bold declarations of love. It's easy to see why they've been termed "couple goals." However, Michelle Obama has consistently challenged this title by openly discussing how tough marriages can be.

During a sit-down with the "Jay Shetty Podcast" in January 2024, the mother of two addressed the "perfect couple" narrative. "I don't want people looking at me and Barack like, hashtag couple goals," she said, explaining that even great marriages endure some not-so-great moments. "There are some broken things that happen even in the best of marriages."

The former First Lady also described the importance of having what she termed "quit-worthy" boundaries, such as abuse and criminality. But for young adults looking for where to start, her advice was clear: "Pick somebody you respect and like. Start there and then remember that's who they are."

Michelle Obama's decision to speak openly about her marriage has attracted backlash. When she opened up about a difficult ten-year period in her marriage when she didn't like Barack Obama, she was accused of being "catty" (via Revolt). However, the mother of two revealed the reason for her honesty in a 2022 chat with NPR.

"I think it's important for us to... not glamorize what a partnership feels like because then young people quit too soon. They quit before they've really played out the full scenario," she explained. The former first lady's concern is that people give up too quickly during tough periods in marriages. "And that's why I want to talk about the work of it; the work of any relationship, the work of friendship," she explained in her sit-down with Revolt.

Michelle has also challenged the narrative that marriages should be a perfect 50/50 balance. "Marriage isn't 50/50, ever. Ever. There are times I'm 70; he's 30; there are times he's 60, I'm 40. But guess what? We've been married for 30 years. I would take ten bad years. ... It's just how you look at it. People give up too easily."

Despite being candid about the tougher aspects of her marriage, Michelle Obama has asserted that she wouldn't trade Barack Obama for anything in the world. "With all the ups and downs, with all the running for president stuff, I was like, 'Why'd you do that?' ... The good has outweighed it, and if we hadn't hung in there, we would have missed all the good."

The former first couple has also generously shared tips that helped them work through the tough times. In an interview with Oprah for The Guardian in 2020, Barack's top tips were talking things through and maintaining respect and love for each other. On the other hand, one of Michelle's essential tips is learning to communicate effectively.

During an episode of "The Light Podcast" with Conan O'Brien, Michelle Obama recounted a nasty fight that made her threaten to end her engagement with Barack. From it, she learned that it was more important to communicate to be understood than just blowing off steam. Michelle also admitted to Jay Shetty that she used to express her feelings explosively, but thanks to Barack's fix-it nature, she learned a better way to communicate and solve their differences.