The 'Instant Spark' Relationship Myth You Should Stop Believing

Dating can feel like a job, especially if you are seeking a long-term relationship and not just a casual hookup. You check in on your apps each day and fervently try to form a connection with someone you don't know. After some conversation, you agree to meet and hope that they might be the one.

Some people have predetermined notions about what they should expect in a potential partner that could signal it might get serious. White many of these things such as trust, honesty, good communication, and shared values may take some time to fully explore together, some things are relatively easy to identify. These might include shared interests, similar daily activities you both enjoy, or even food, music, and sports, as well as how they feel about their family and whether they want one of their own.

Yet one thing that many people count on when summing up a new date is an instant connection that gives you butterflies. However, that may not always be accurate, and could even be harmful.

Everyone wants to make a good impression on a first date but more often than not they are riddled with nerves. "We are wired for instant gratification," Erika Kaplan, the Vice President of Three Day Rule Matchmaking told Bustle. "I see people jump ship way too early because they didn't feel that immediate gravitational pull towards their date. Sometimes the spark builds with time and familiarity."

Some people take time to feel comfortable when meeting new people and that doesn't rule out that you jay met a person who become very special in your life. Consider when you met various friends and how some of those friendships invariably grew over time. Once the first date jitters subside, you can both relax and take it from there.

The more you get to know someone, the more you realize how they operate in the world and what kind of person they are, while allowing yourself to do the same. This can provide a very steady base for forming a bond.

Contrary to popular belief, forming an instant connection with someone isn't always healthy. "People feel like butterflies are a good thing, but if you still have butterflies after the first few dates, I think that's not a good thing," matchmaker Talia Goldstein told Insider. "Sometimes it means that there's anxiety or that you're unsure of a situation. A good match is somebody that makes you feel calm and comfortable."

An intense chemical connection can be a bad sign because that's how love bombing begins in a toxic relationship. An unsafe partner can quite intentionally sweep you off your feet and seemingly tell you everything you want to hear. So be very careful in sharing exactly what a perfect partner should look like because narcissistic and toxic people will capitalize on that information, and make you believe they are that person.

Also, if you feel abnormally drawn to someone, it can cloud your good judgment and allow you to overlook red flags. So if you meet a first date and feel no spark, but do feel calm, take that as a very good sign.